Grab your favorite glass of chilled Sancerre and get comfortable, because we need to have a real heart-to-heart.

Lately, I’ve been noticing a trend, and quite frankly, it’s giving… exhaustion. It seems like the moment a woman hits 30 and she’s not sporting a rock on her left hand, society decides to open a cold case file on her life. Suddenly, everyone—from your Auntie to your hair stylist—is a “Relationship Investigator.”

“Why are you still single?” “But you’re so gorgeous!” “Maybe your standards are just… a bit much?”

Oh, really? Let’s pause right there.

Notice how nobody grills the 47-year-old bachelor who’s still “finding himself”? When a man is single, he’s discerning. When a woman is single, she’s picky, intimidating, or difficult. But let me give you the tea: Most of us aren’t single because we can’t find a man. We’re single because we’ve finally upgraded our vision.

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Sis, when you do the work and heal your heart, your “BS detector” gets a collosal update. You aren’t “unlucky in love”—you’re just no longer entertained by the “let’s see where it goes” energy.

Here is the New Gospel of Dating:

• If it’s not clear, it’s a “no.”
• If it’s not consistent, it’s a “no.”
• If it’s not committed, it’s a “no.”

Does this make the dating pool smaller? Does it mean that some weekends your phone is dry as the Sahara? Absolutely. But that’s only because you stopped splashing around in the shallow end with the boys who don’t know how to swim.

Why You’re Really “Still” Single

Let’s be honest: any of us could be in a relationship by Friday and engaged by the end of the month if we really wanted to. All we’d have to do is: Squint so hard we can’t see the red flags. Accept a “U up?” text as a date. Or responds to a “Wyd?” (Can’t stand those!)

But a woman who knows her worth isn’t going to shrink herself just to fit into some man’s tiny, confused world. Being single is a luxury compared to being with a man who keeps you in a state of perpetual anxiety. Bread crumbs are for the birds. And we like to eat!

“A man should add to your life; he should never be the thing that validates it.”

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The Truth About the Right One

You are not single because something is “wrong” with you. You are single because you stopped auditioning for men who weren’t even qualified to be in the audience.

When the right man shows up—the one who is actually on your level—you won’t need a decoding ring to understand his texts. You won’t have to beg for the bare minimum. He won’t be “intimidated” by your success or your peace; he’ll be inspired by it. And baby, he will move accordingly.

Until then?

• Live your life.
• Book the flight.
• Buy the shoes.
• Protect your peace like it’s your most valuable asset.

Your worth isn’t determined by your relationship status. You are the prize—always have been, always will be.

Janice